I was smitten, but I don’t think he ever actually called me his girlfriend - what we had was undefined. Mutual friends were always telling me they’d seen him somewhere with someone else, but I was mostly too infatuated to give up on him (and all this drama provided such great inspiration for my angsty poetry).
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I think that was the only time I ever felt just the slightest regret for not having subscribed to the puritanical idea of “saving oneself for marriage”. Because you do give a little piece of yourself away to your old lovers, even if it’s a piece you don’t miss, or one that you replace.
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When I moved to Halifax at 18, I pared down my belongings to the absolute minimum. At that point, I stopped owning all physical music media - I left behind all my mixtapes, my CD collection, and my vintage vinyls.
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