Life in Posters
Crissi Cochrane
My grandfather reached out to me the other day to ask if I’d kept copies of my show posters over the years.
Inspired, I dug up and chronologically organized more than 100 of them, along the way revisiting many of the highs and lows in my life as a musician. I thought, on this grey and bland January afternoon, it might be a nice thing to share some of these memories with you. While public performances are still indefinitely on-hold, it feels like a decent time to reflect on shows of the past.
April 19, 2008 at Taz Records in Halifax, NS
Record Store Day, 2008
This is the oldest poster that I have on file, back from the days when I performed under the pseudonym “Save September”. That moniker came from the name of a mixtape and a song that I had written in grade 10 for my best friend Michaela, before she moved away at the end of the month of September. I performed under that name for the first five years, from 2004 to 2009, only switching it when I started recording in studios and wanted to separate my new releases from my early, home-recorded work.
Tanya Davis and Old Man Luedecke are two beloved artists in the Halifax region, whose works were the soundtrack to my daily life while I lived in the city, and it’s still amazing to me to see those names on that poster next to mine.
November 14, 2008 at The Seahorse Tavern in Halifax, NS
The Seahorse Tavern, 2008
One of the first bar shows that I ever played was at The Seahorse with Amelia Curran - another artist I adored, whose album “Hunter, Hunter” inspired the naming of my first studio album “Darling, Darling”. I don’t even think I spoke to her that night - I was probably too afraid - but I attempted to meet her not long after, while at the ECMAs. I was there as part of a class trip, to attend and volunteer along with my classmates in the Music Business program at NSCC. She was talking with my professor late one night outside the hotel that was the festival’s headquarters, and I think I’d had a drink or two and been out dancing at a Rich Aucoin show with an acclaimed journalist I’d just met, and I felt all exhilarated and emboldened enough to say hello to Amelia at last. I must have said it too enthusiastically, because when she said “hello” back to me, it was said mockingly. She swiftly turned back to my professor, and all my confidence dissolved. It was such a tiny moment of dismissal, but I had a hard time listening to her music after that. (Although it’s still very good and really shouldn’t be written off for such a minor thing, but I think that inspired me to be as friendly and approachable as possible.)
November 19, 2010 at Phog Lounge in Windsor, ON
Phog Lounge, 2010
Not an excellent poster by any means, but my design advertising my show with Justin Rutledge was one of the very first show posters that I ever made. I had recently moved to Windsor, and started working at the university that fall, where I was granted permission and passwords to install the full Adobe Creative suite on my own personal laptop. I had learned how to use these programs in college, but didn’t have access to them at home, so I promptly made use of Illustrator to start designing endless promotional materials - albeit a bit shabbily at first.
Justin Rutledge is a great Canadian singer-songwriter, and I was wildly honoured to get to open for him so soon after moving to Windsor.
May 5, 2011 at Phog Lounge in Windsor, ON
Opening for Rebekah Higgs, 2011
As soon as Tom Lucier would post the upcoming Phog Lounge bookings, I would email him to request opening slots at all the shows featuring artists whose names I recognized from listening to CBC Radio 3, and luckily he granted me quite a few of them when I was new in town. I was especially pleased to share the stage with Rebekah Higgs, a beloved Haligonian artist, who crashed on the floor of my apartment with her band after the show. I remember her the morning after, remarking on how it seems harder for women to sleep on the floor because of how our hip bones differ in shape from men’s, and I still think of that observation every time I lay on a hard surface for too long. (I should have invested in some better sleeping supplies before offering to accommodate people, but I wasn’t terribly domestic back then..!)
October 2011 tour dates in NS and NB
Maritime Tour 2011
This was my first homecoming tour after moving to Ontario, and it was regrettably very poorly timed strategically because my EP didn’t come out until the following after, and I didn’t even have copies with me. (What was I thinking?! Apparently, I was not.)
One of the most harrowing memories of my entire music career was the late-night drive from the Truro show to my friend’s house in Halifax. Except for me, everyone in the car was drinking beer and smoking weed, including the driver (!!!), and I spent the entire ride in fear for my life, enraged at myself for trusting my safety to absolute fucking idiots, and waffling about whether it was safer to stay in the car or take my chances stranded on a dark rural highway in the middle of the night. Probably due mostly to my inability to speak up for myself even when in mortal peril, I stayed in the car, white-knuckling my bag in the middle of the backseat and keeping my eyes peeled on the windshield. Fortunately luck was on my side and I made it to Halifax in one piece, and had a lovely few days catching up with an old high-school friend.
The reason I was in the city was to sing with Rich Aucoin at his album release show during the Halifax Pop Explosion, as a member of his choir and also in a duet with him on his song Undead Pt 2 - and I was so nervous that I reached out to a doctor friend of mine to ask why it felt like my insides were burning apart all the time, beginning my life-long appreciation for the power of Gaviscon (and the realization that I was maybe developing some stage fright for my more important performances). The best part of the show, aside from the fun rehearsals with Aucoin’s talented friends and discovering fun hiding places at St. Matthew’s Church, was when Jenn Grant ran onstage to join me with a new harmony in the duet. I had long admired her from afar, and in this tiny moment on-stage together, I feel like she won my heart forever.
It was also on this tour stop in Halifax that I got to film a live performance video of my song “Never Will” in my friend’s kitchen, with the rain pouring outside.
October 19, 2013 at the Walkerville Theatre in Windsor, ON
Walkerville Harvest, 2013
The Walkerville Harvest gig was one of the first times I ever played with a backing band. Highlights included me crying my eyes out in a frigid, cavern-like dressing room under the stage at the Olde Walkerville Theatre before the show because I was so nervous (and probably trying to apply false eyelashes at the same time, which is impossible without a steady hand), somebody hitting a light-switch in the middle of my set that powered off the entire stage for a moment, and a woman who hit on me so aggressively after my set that she followed me into the bathroom to tell me that men only want to “possess” me (though I’m not sure exactly how her brand of overboard infatuation would have been any different).
February 7, 2014 at the Company House in Halifax, NS
Little Sway release show in Halifax, 2014
My album release show in Halifax was the first (and maybe still, the only?) time I ever flew out somewhere just to play one show. I remember wearing this glamorous and perfectly fitted red dress, proper high heels and false eyelashes, feeling like some kind of Motown doll - and requesting that the promoter hook me up with some weed upon arrival, which was swiftly granted. The rockstar treatment!
August 14, 2014 at Rino’s Kitchen in Windsor, ON
The Walkervilles Luau, 2014
This show was one of the great peaks of my Imposter Syndrome. I think I wasn’t sure who I was trying to be just yet, and I didn’t really love where I was. The music I was playing was too hard for me at that point, and I still didn’t have the chops to really hold my own with bass and drums, so trio gigs felt like an act of performative drowning, and my entire face probably betrayed my extreme discomfort and struggle to execute every - damn - note. And then I stood back and watched The Walkervilles’ front man perform with the exact same players I’d just played with, and with a Jaguar nearly identical to my own, and it felt like he was about a thousand times better that I thought I’d ever be, and I wanted to dissolve into the grass and be gone. Since that’s not a human ability, I instead dissolved several very strong drinks into myself, and when Pat unexpectedly called me up to the stage to sing improvised harmonies on “Heard It Through The Grapevine”, I tried to pretend I wasn’t there, but some people in the crowd recognized me and started pushing me toward the stage, so I couldn’t escape. I was so dejected and terrified that I utterly failed to find any kind of harmony, even when Pat was asking me to find it in front of the audience (so embarrassing), that I politely excused myself right after the set ended and as soon as I was out of sight of the venue I began running home in tears. I was so mortified that I actually threw up when I got home, which is the only time I’ve ever done that, and not something I knew was possible. To this day, I still can’t fucking stand “Heard It Through The Grapevine”.
October 8, 2014 at Aeolian Hall in London, ON
Opening for Jeremy Fisher, 2014
I had already seen Jeremy Fisher perform along with my great hero Rose Cousins at a small church show in rural Ontario a few years prior, so I knew I was in for a treat. I spent days piping his music into the maternity store where I worked that fall, and I especially enjoyed watching his set at the Aeolian, sitting in the warm quiet of the crowd, savouring his songs and stories. But ooh, mercy. I remember a few queasy minutes at the top of my own set that night when no signal would come from my guitar, even though we had sound-checked successfully not long before. It was just that one of the four switches on my Jaguar was in the wrong position. But in that silent, expectant theatre, I felt like an utter amateur on display. The train broke down on the way home the next day, and so did I, crying soundlessly (thank goodness the train was mostly empty all the same) for over an hour while we waited for the repair. There were so many tears in these years. That train ride was a bit of a tipping point for me, and I took on drastically fewer shows until I sorted out how to manage my anxiety a bit better.
April 24, 2015 at Vermouth in Windsor, ON
Billie Holiday’s 100th birthday, 2015
Billie Holiday was born on April 7, 1915. My own birthday is April 6, so I was especially tickled to learn that our birthdays were so close together when I was discovering jazz and falling head over heels for Billie. I decided to throw a tribute charity show to commemorate her hundredth birthday, along with my friend Jackie Robitaille. It was one of the best shows I’ve ever put on, although in retrospect, presenting such an ambitious event probably wasn’t the wisest idea when I was still figuring out how to deal with my anxiety - but Billie only turns 100 once. I apologize if you attended that show and happened to see a girl puking in the bushes outside after the doors opened - that was me.
May 25-26, 2018 at Nola’s in Windsor, ON
Two nights at Nola’s, 2018
This was the last weekend of my pregnancy, and we played on the back patio at Nola’s in the sweltering, oppressive humidity. After the second show, a bartender thanked me for “not giving birth at the restaurant”, which I was mildly insulted by, as I wasn’t due for three more weeks, but then I went ahead and had the baby two days later, so I suppose he wasn’t wrong to be a little worried for me.
November 17, 2019 at Hugh’s Room in Toronto, ON
Truth Or Dare Songwriter’s Circle, 2019
I loved every bit of this show - getting to share the stage with two incredible people who have been in my life for many years (Mary Stewart as a close friend and confidante in my Halifax years, and my safe place on trips to Toronto after we both moved to Ontario at the same time, and Christina Martin as my former boss/mentor when I was assigned to be her intern as part of the aforementioned Music Business program), performing at historic Hugh’s Room on a rainy night in Toronto, and enjoying a mini getaway with my husband while my daughter was safe at home in Windsor with my parents babysitting.
The hospitality was incredible, and Mike and I enjoyed a lovely meal with Christina and Dale, laughing and catching up. I was, as usual, nervous about playing, but blessedly, in these more experienced years of my career, the nerves faithfully disappear as soon as I begin to play (and the nerves don’t stop me from eating meals on show days anymore, which is why I look so much more healthy and womanly these days).
February 29, 2020 at Meteor in Windsor, ON
Heirloom album release show, 2020
Of all my CD release posters that I was able to find, the one for Heirloom is simply the classiest. It looks like a page in a magazine. Of course, that’s mostly due to the talents of photographer Heike Delmore.
I’ve already written lots about this show, including a drunken poem at 2AM after the show, and I think I’ll always remember it very fondly, especially because it was one of the very last things that happened before the pandemic. Getting to be on-stage with a massive eleven-piece band was a surreal, incredible experience. We rehearsed for weeks beforehand, but our basement was too small for us all to be in the room at the same time, so we practiced in smaller groups. We didn’t all play together until the sound-check before the show, and I realized that my main job that night would be not getting too choked up to sing because of how amazing everyone sounded.
I also realized that night that it’s super difficult to manage the release of a new album AND play the release show in the same day - I remember telling our friend and trumpeter Austin Di Pietro (who had done the same thing two weeks prior, releasing the Pelee Island EP with his band The Bishop Boys) that it felt like “the most stressful birthday ever”.
Sometimes I do think about writing a book inspired by these experiences. Navigating the Canadian music industry as a woman and as an independent artist has certainly been interesting, and there are several points where I marvel at the situations I put myself in and I thank my lucky stars that I came out alright. So many little funny, awkward, human, charming, embarrassing, inspiring moments that I’d like to capture somehow, someday, maybe.
The one poster I regret I wasn’t able to find was the poster for my very first tour in May of 2008, the “Separate Cities tour”. I used my one week of paid vacation from my miserable call-centre job to go on tour to Ontario and back with my room-mate and tour manager, Ryan Patey, whose unflagging support of me and a small community of musicians in those years has been the inspiration for my role in the Soul City Music Co-op today. Though the poster is missing, there are quite a few - and perhaps mildly incriminating - tour vlogs still available on YouTube, if one happens to search hard enough. (No, I am not crazy enough to link them here.)
So, there you have it! These are some of my favourite posters and stories that kept me company on this dreary winter day. Of the more than 500 shows I have played in the last 16 years, I have saved only about one fifth of them. I regret that I didn’t have the foresight to save more posters, but I‘m grateful that I did at least undertake the maintenance of a complete list of all my past shows, which now features the above posters and more.
Thank you to all who’ve been a part of these experiences, and thank you in advance to those who’ll be part of the shows to come. Can’t wait to make some more memories when we get to the other side!